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  • [广西快3] [手机访问]

    3地开奖结果:广西快3

    当前位置: 广西快3 > 笑话段子 > 

    择偶标准等

    时间:2018-09-19 09:21来源:广西快3 作者: 孟宪忠等

    广西快3 www.muwbz.com     择偶标准
        小路娶了个年龄比他大的老婆,朋友不解,问他为什么不娶一个年纪小点的,小路笑着说:"你到商店买过水果吗?同样是花钱,谁不挑个大的!"(孟宪忠)
        口误
        老庞家的儿媳妇刚生了一个大胖小子,全家这个高兴呀,亲家母也来了,本来就两室一厅的房子,太挤,没法住,于是老庞就去单位住职工宿舍,单位的人问他:"咋了?和老伴吵架了?"
        老庞说:"别提了,儿媳妇生孩子,把我给挤出来了!"
        (蒋小龙)
        心理战术
        闹市中一家妇女用品商店门口,堆了一大摊散乱的商品,一群女顾客围着,如获至宝地寻找着她们需要的物品,然后急不可耐地付钱购买。
        有人问老板:"何不把商品堆叠整齐?"老板回答说:"你以为我疯了?如果我把这些商品都摆整齐了,那些疯女人的兴趣就不会这样大了!"
        (五朵金花)
        惩罚
        小张是个大学生,有一次,他去一个村子进行社会实践,远远望见一只小狗站在村头,小狗的脖子上挂着一块很大的牌子,他觉得奇怪:挂着这木牌就像开批斗会一样,干什么呀?
        小张很是纳闷,走近仔细一看,只见那木牌上用毛笔赫然写着三个字:"我偷鸡".(冯太华)
        无独有偶
        阿君回到了阔别十年后的故乡,
        一天,他遇到了一个老朋友,两人谈起了往事。
        阿君问:"以前同班的李梅花现在不知怎么样了,当初我受过她很多侮辱。"
        老朋友说:"喔,我也是……我比你更惨。"
        阿君一脸惊诧:"不见得吧,我有一次对她说一句‘你真漂亮,她就把痰吐在我脸上,世界上还有比这更糟的事吗?"
        老朋友神色黯然地回答道:"有,她跟我结了婚……"(高波)
        专业对口
        妻子:"老公,咱儿子报考什么大学好呢?老师说他喜欢嚼舌头传瞎话。"
        丈夫:"那就报传媒大学。"
        "老师还说他向同学提供有偿抄作业的‘服务。"
        "那就报金融贸易!"
        "老师还说他装病逃学。"
        "那就报影视表演专业吧!"
        "老师还说他总把学校的东西拿回家。"
        "那就报物流专业好啦!"(大龙)
        初七要上班
        按国家规定,正月初七就要上班了,但以往每年都是初八才上班的,大家有些不乐意,最后推选老孙为代表,让他去和老板说说,看能不能多放一天假。
        于是,老孙便敲开了老板办公室的门,向老板说明了来意,老板听完想了想,问老孙:"为什么一定要到初八才上班呢?"老孙情急之下找了个理由:"因为……因为初八、初八吉利,遇八则发嘛!"
        老板情急之下也找了个理由,说:"没听说过‘七上八下这话吗?初七上班,我们公司今年肯定蒸蒸日上,所以,初七一定要上班!"
        (张金平)
        屁股决定大脑
        一个姓吴的老板平时总是装腔作势的,常喜欢找茬教训员工,他挂在嘴边的口头禅是"你们这些家伙全是屁股决定大脑",意思是说员工们办事不动脑筋,大家心里都特别痛恨他。
        一天,公司招聘女秘书,三位年轻小姐竞相展示个人魅力。吴老板本来好色,这次竟然录取了一个才能平平、但身姿婀娜的小姐,吴老板一边目不转睛地盯着那小姐看,一边问身旁的员工:"我一眼就看出三个姑娘里只有她最机灵,脑子好使,知道我是怎么看出来的吗?"话音刚落,一旁的员工们就异口同声地答道:"我们知道,屁股决定大脑!"(徐沛)
        迟到
        小刚八点才起床,脸也顾不得洗,背着书包就往学校跑。他上气不接下气地跑进教室,喊了声"报告",就坐在自己的座位上,听地理老师讲课。
        这时,老师叫小刚站起来回答问题,他用教鞭指着地图问:"什么叫赤道?"
        "八点上课,八点过了才进教室,就叫迟到(赤道)……"(冯太华)
        手枪与手表
        杰克和汤姆是很要好的同学,而且恰好是在同一天过生日。
        杰克的父亲是一个侦探,他送给儿子的生日礼物是一把崭新的手枪。 汤姆的父亲是一个珠宝商,他送给儿子一块美丽的金表。
        第二天,两个男孩在学校碰面了,他们都很喜欢对方的礼物,于是就作了交换。
        晚上,杰克回到家里,他的父亲看到了手表,就问:"这块表是从哪里来的?"杰克解释说是用手枪和同学交换的,父亲听后大发雷霆:"你这个愚蠢的小子!将来你结婚了,哪一天回到家,发现妻子爱上了别的男人,那时候,你没了手枪,只能眼睁睁地看着这块手表问那一对男女—‘你们相爱多长时间了?" (东冉)
        测试
        那天正值下班高峰,小王挤上了回家的公交车,刚开车,身旁一个矮胖女人没抓到扶手,身子一晃,一只脚就踩到了小王的脚上,小王被踩痛了,忍不住大叫了一声。女人听到叫声,回过头来,紧张地问:"踩疼你啦?"
        小王疼得缓不过气来,只好胡乱地点点头。
        过了一会,女人又小心翼翼地问:"真的很疼吗?"
        小王见她这么负疚,心里一热,就不好意思地摇摇头,说:"不太疼。"
        话音刚落,那女人立刻兴奋地说:"哈哈,这么说,我减肥终于有效了!这些日子,我踩了好多人的脚,就你一个人说不太疼的……"
        (林盛杰)
        结账
        小陈和一位朋友去饭店吃饭,到了门口,看见一块牌子,上面写着:"两人用餐,赠啤酒一瓶。"
        两人走进饭店坐定后,服务小姐端来四个小菜,朋友问:"这四个菜是……"
        小姐说:"这是免费赠送的。"
        朋友说:"再来一瓶啤酒,就可以结账了。"
        (羊子)
        致歉
        很早以前,一位商人因一个案子被牵连,最后被判斩首。临刑那天,当宣布执行死刑时,那商人走到铡刀前,侧着头,小心地把头搁在砧板上。
        刽子手指责商人把头摆错了位置,让他搁得正一些,商人抱歉地欠了欠身体,对刽子手说:"这是我第一次被砍头,难免会出点差错。"
        (史顺利)

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