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  • [广西快3] [手机访问]

    河北十一选五专家推荐:广西快3

    当前位置: 广西快3 > 笑话段子 > 

    家庭健身术等

    时间:2018-09-19 15:59来源:广西快3 作者: 吴金膛等

    广西快3 www.muwbz.com     家庭健身术
        丈夫领了单位发的"五一"过节费,回到家后便如数上交给老婆大人,老婆接过钱,"噼里啪啦"地点了点,说:"就这点?举起手来,让我搜搜,留没留小金库?"
        丈夫一边嘻嘻哈哈地分辩,一边乖乖地举起双手,任老婆搜身。
        这时,丈夫的老爸突然推门而入,丈夫连忙把手放下来,尴尬地笑笑,老婆忙解释说:"爸,我最近刚学了一套健身操,这不,我正在教他呢,爸,要不您也学学?"
        老爸咧开大嘴,腼腆地笑了笑,说:"不用学,三十年前我就学会了,还是他妈教的呢!"
        (吴金膛)
        蛤蜊的气味
        一个面色苍白的男子捂着肚子走进了诊所,他一见医生就哭丧着脸说:"医生,我昨天吃了些蛤蜊,今天早晨起来胃就特别疼!"
        医生问:"你把那些蛤蜊掰开的时候没有闻到什么难闻的气味吗?"
        男子惊诧地问:"需要把它们掰开才能吃吗?"
        (陈明智)
        开门
        午夜过后,约翰喝醉了酒踉跄着走出迪斯科舞厅,走了几步之后停下来,开始敲打一根路灯杆。一辆巡逻的警车停了下来,走下来一个满嘴喷着酒气的警察,问道:"你在那里干吗?"
        醉汉说:"我敲半个小时的门了,就是没人给我开门。"
        警察朝上看了看,说:"你太太肯定在家,上面还亮着灯呢!"
        (陈明智)
        小姐要车
        有一位在公司做事的小姐想要车,于是打电话到出租车公司:"你好,我要车……"
        接电话的人问:"你在哪里???"
        小姐说:"我在皇天大酒店。"
        为便于辨认,接电话的人又问:"你穿的是什么裤子?"
        小姐说:"我不穿裤子,我穿的是一条裙子。"
        接电话的人又问:"到哪里???"
        小姐说:"到膝盖。"
        (石宏)
        猜谜
        老师正在教学生猜谜,老师说:"一个长来一个短,一个快来一个慢,短的生来懒得动,长的忙得团团转。猜猜看,这是什么?"
        小明答道:"爸爸和妈妈。"
        (付虹杨)
        骗女人太难
        一只狼敲着兔子的门,嘴里亲昵地说道:"小兔子乖乖,把门儿开开。"
        小兔:"来喽!"
        兔妈妈:"不许开!是狼!"
        狼叹了一口气:"唉,骗一个女孩容易,骗一个女人太难!"(李培)
        服务
        牛大款来到美容院,站在一溜服务小姐的照片前,眼珠贼溜溜地乱转。一会儿,他指着一幅玉照对服务台上的小姐说:"就让她为我服务!"
        服务员为难地说:"你—能不能换一位?"
        牛大款神气地甩出一大把钞票,说:"哼,敢瞧不起大爷?"
        服务员被缠得无奈,就指着照片说:"你自己看看吧。"
        牛大款凑到照片底下,这才看到了一行小字:已故国际影星玛丽莲·梦露。(胡明宝)
        吻 哪 里
        公园里,一对男女青年在聊天,男的对女的说:"可以吻你吗?"女的说:"不要脸!"
        男的说:"那就嘴吧!"(小冰)
        什么坏了
        一位女议员在议会大厅的楼梯上
        不小心摔倒了,正好遇到总统,总统便将她扶起来,她感激地说:"总统先生,要我怎样感谢您呢?"
        "下次表决时投我一票就好了。"
        女议员赶忙说:"哦,总统先生,我摔坏的是膝盖,可不是脑子。"
        (波顿)
        结婚须知
        年轻的国王问他的大臣:"为什么我14岁就可以统治整个国家,而到18岁还不允许我结婚?"
        大臣答道:"因为照顾妻子比照顾国家难多了!"
        (秦茂媛)
        求职
        有一个瘦小的男子去应聘门卫,老板打量了他一会儿,说:"我们需要的是一个以小人之心度君子之腹的人,他要有强烈的疑心病、锐利的目光、高度的警觉心、机警过人的听觉,还要有健壮的身材、杀气腾腾的个性,谁惹了他,他马上变成恶魔般的人物,你觉得你自己符合吗?"
        那个瘦小的男子轻声说:"我恐怕不行,不过可不可以让我老婆来试试?"
        (湘情)
        谁急
        张先生三十岁了,还没找到对象,这可急坏了他娘,他就安慰说:"娘,你生我时,冥冥之中老天爷也为我生了一个老婆,你不用急。"
        张先生的娘说:"就算是这样吧,你也该去找人家啊,你不急,人家姑娘着急??!"
        (关明基)
        意外收获
        大学生总喜欢新鲜、刺激的事物,
        譬如打牌,输的要喊"我是猪",或是抱着电线杆子喊"我的病有救了".有个宿舍玩的花样更新:谁输了,就要在半夜十二点独自上后山抄十块墓碑的碑文回来,最要命的是第二天早上大家还要一起上山找墓碑核对!
        一学期下来,有一天,宿舍的几个哥们在一起聊天:
        "现在倒好,英文单词没背上几个,后山的216块墓碑的碑文倒是全背得滚瓜烂熟了!"
        "我的古文字水平提高了!"
        "我的书法水平提高了!"
        上铺一个哥们一声大叫:"我现在还能用小篆签名呢!"
        (耿人?。?br />    问题
        一个女人发狂一样地奔进了诊所,喊道:"医生,快给我看看,今天早上照镜子时发现我的头发枯黄、皮肤多皱、眼球充血、眼窝下陷,天??!我的脸看起来像死尸一样惨白!医生,快告诉我究竟出了什么问题!"
        医生给她检查了几分钟,说:"夫人,我可以告诉你,你的视力并没有什么问题。"
        (瀚森)
        出 不 来
        小刚写作文,碰到要写一个"屎"字,一时卡了壳,挠破脑壳也想不起这个字该怎么写,于是他就去请教爸爸大刚,不料大刚电脑用多了,也不知怎么写,他一边挠脑壳,一边讪讪地说:"明明就在嘴边,可怎么就是出不来了呢!"
        (吴国志)

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